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April 18 some of my favorite quotes1
Valentine's Day下大雪那天停课，把地质学的实验课给冲掉了，收到教授邮件如下：
Hi Guys,
Ok, which one of you has been arranging with the snow Gods to get out of Wednesday lab? :) I am attaching two things for you in case you get bored on your snow day:......
Enjoy the wonders of the winter!
数学课也被冲掉了，在网上查作业，看到assignment如下：
......
February 12
Read Section 8.2, pages 374-377. For homework do the following problems: Page 380 Problems 1,3,5,7,9,17(a) 21--49 ......
February 14
Snow Day! For homework make a snowperson,
go ice-skating, etc
......
2
微积分教授Mittage头发花白年届六旬，可他总跟别人说自己四十多岁。
上课第一天他提着一个箱子走进教室，箱子里发出奇异的类似牛叫的声音。大家面面相觑之际（“what the heck is that"），他突然拿出一只香蕉，说，“freeze! i grew up in Brooklyn, so i always have a gun with me. you guys better stay tough"
3
一日Mittage走进教室，发现学生坐的椅子被摆成一个圆圈，于是问道，“why did you arrange seats like this?”
学生答道，“so that we can have discussion”
他皱皱眉头说，"what the hell are you talking about, it's not like anthropology... math is not about democratic discussion,
math is dictatorship!"
4
由于Mittage总是号称自己有枪，可他带在身上的从来只有一跟香蕉而已，于是一学生好奇问道你的枪呢？他说，"ok, i'll bring it tomorrow"
第二天他真的带了一只枪......
枪身是蓝色的塑料外壳，射出来的是一只一只粉色的小猪！！
5
还是Mittage，他出的卷子颇有些戏剧色彩所以有些题学生平时没有见过，N多人不及格。。。第二次考试前他在课堂上踱着步子说，
"i love to give out good grades, i want my students to get As and Bs......
that means Toki, you can't take the test"
6
更有甚者在house party（一个超大型的学生派对周末，所有兄弟会开放）看到过老教授的身影！
第二天他说，"ah i just had to stick with my son... or do you think i could just go out and talk to girls by myself... of course not!“ 7
上过Mittage的课的朋友都说他的课非常helpful。尽管如此，老教授第一天上课时就说：
"yeah you know i'm here to teach some calculus... but more importantly, i'm here to hang out with my son"
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8
一日与日本朋友安田宗平同学一起吃饭，我们无聊就开始在餐巾纸上讨论汉字。
他笑着写下“南京”两个字，然后用英语说，“这是一座日本城市——一个曾经被我们征服的城市”
我于是也笑着写下“东京”两个字，然后用英语说，“这是一座中国村庄——一个曾经被我们遗弃的村庄”
我问道，“seriously, do you guys really write it in the textbook the stupid intrusion war never happened?"
他回答，"actually we young people all know what happened..."
我打断道，"isn't is nasty? don't you think the event in Nanjing was really horrible?"
他摊开手道，"i'm really sorry for that ..."
这时一个泰国朋友凑过来笑着用十分可爱而哀怨的眼神说，"you invaded my country, too!"
安田同学只好不停地说，"i'm sorry... i'm sorry" 就好像真的是他侵略了亚洲似的。。。
9
Tisorn同学是地道的泰国人，祖上为中国人。一日与他扯淡，谈到某台湾同学为极左翼
他正色道："i think we should just bomb the island...
Taiwan is so problematic!"
说着还皱着眉头摇了摇头... 10
地质实验课field trip完了之后教授开始布置assignment，本来预备好了又写一篇冗长的lab report，结果教授在东倒西歪的人群中喊道，“write a poem..."说到这里他自己也颇有自知之明地笑了一下，"about what you see today!"
我脱口而出"what, i can't even write straight english..."
百般无奈地对着屏幕想了10分钟，终于决定放弃自己对诗意的崇高追求，挤出儿童作品如下（读完之后自己和旁边做作业的人同时仰天长笑了三声）：
The Crawfish
In what delighted deeps or waters
Evolved the curve of your pencers
Sadly you circled within the container
Mayflies vanished in your chamber
While you were demonstrating
The dignity of a predator
Some catchers were presenting you
To demonstrate the quality of the water
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